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intoxicated12
06-11-2009, 08:36 PM
"I was watching baseball on ESPN classic. The hitter hit a foul ball. That was ****ing CLASSIC man"
ceb364
06-11-2009, 08:40 PM
"I was watching baseball on ESPN classic. The hitter hit a foul ball. That was ****ing CLASSIC man"

"Rice - when you feel like ten thousand of something."
intoxicated12
06-11-2009, 08:43 PM
"Could you imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse? That would be ****ing chaos! we need a head!....
8LayersOfCrap
06-11-2009, 08:45 PM
My friend said to me, "I think the weather's trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it is the way that we perceive it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought, "Man, I should've just said, 'Yeah.'"
Goodfellow9
06-11-2009, 08:47 PM
"I checked in to a hotel and the girl at the desk gave me her number...it was 0. When I tried calling her from another place....she sounded different"
intoxicated12
06-11-2009, 09:22 PM
"I checked in to a hotel and the girl at the desk gave me her number...it was 0. When I tried calling her from another place....she sounded different"
Other than his bit about ducks, ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZneT3MbZgsI ) that is my favorite joke of his.
mike16v
06-11-2009, 09:44 PM
I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man, I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut... end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like you didn't get that doughnut! I got the doc-u-men-tation right here...
intoxicated12
06-11-2009, 10:04 PM
"This lady told me that if I guess how many jelly beans in the jar I get a prize. Awe come on man, let me just have some. Tell you what, you guess how many I want! If you said a handful, you are correct."
8LayersOfCrap
06-12-2009, 01:01 AM
"You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob" right? But that is how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn." They should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch." But then reattach it and call it 'Mitch-all-together!'"